I have many questions, and very few answers.
Until about 2 years ago that didn’t bother me at all.
I called myself the success story of adoption, and what I meant by that was that I had no desire to go searching for my “mother”, didn’t think of myself as missing anything, and was perfectly fine with being adopted.
I thought to myself, and would announce proudly, that being adopted didn’t affect me in any way. At least not in any bad way. It was just a fact. Nothing more, nothing less.
That was until about 2 years ago.
All of a sudden I was thrown for a loop.
I started having anxiety.
I started feeling overwhelmed with life, with everyday things, and I started feeling lost.
I felt like I was constantly coming up short, and I realized it had to be more than just the usual “mommy-pressure-and-stress”.
I started revisiting my childhood, in my mind.
Somehow, that’s just where my thoughts went.
Somehow, it just felt like that’s where this all came from.
Little by little, I started unraveling to myself, events from my childhood, things I had dealt with, things that I was wondering about, but had no information of, and finally I landed on my being adopted. Adopted from Colombia to Sweden. Adopted because I was found in the street in Medellin, and handed over to the police by an unknown woman, who said she had me for a month, but was unable to find my mother. Adopted because after a news paper article was published, with my picture, announcing for anyone who knew me to come get me, and no one came. Adopted because that meant I was labeled “abandoned” and became “adoptable”.
I am slowly starting to search for my first family, in Colombia.
I am connecting with cousins and distant relatives I have found through doing a DNA-test a few months ago.
I am connecting with fellow adoptees and starting to speak my truth about what the adoption experience is to me.
I have opened Pandora’s box, and now there is no turning back.
I am 1 year in on what I call my adoption healing journey, and I’d like to invite you to come along with me…
PS. We are all in this together!