Healing Beyond the Primal Wound: Embracing Self-Acceptance in Our Journey

December 1, 2024

What is the Primal Wound?

As adoptees, many of us carry an often-unseen wound that goes far beyond our visible lives. Additionally, many of us don’t even know that we carry this wound. I was 32 years old when I first heard about the “primal wound,” as coined by Nancy Verrier. This primal wound is the deeply felt impact of early separation and the sense of loss, rejection, and even abandonment that can follow us throughout life. For me, it meant years of confusing behavior and a constant sense of disagreement between my inner and outer world. It meant living in constant survival mode, hypervigilance and struggling with friendships and relationships. I was married, a mother and well into adulthood before I was finally able to start connecting dots, make sense of myself and piece the puzzle of myself together. And, today I am here to say that while this wound is real, it doesn’t have to define us.

There is hope and healing

When I founded This Adoptee Life, I wanted to create a space where adoptees could explore this experience openly and support each other’s journeys toward healing. Part of that journey is recognizing that our pain is valid – we carry a unique story shaped by separation and adaptation. However, healing comes when we acknowledge this wound without letting it limit our growth, joy, and self-worth. How do we do that when the wound runs so deep that it feels like there is separation between ourselves and the trauma that we carry? I hope to share more from my own story and how it is still unfolding, as we embark on this new chapter of This Adoptee Life, called Hope and Healing.

Self-acceptance and self-love

What I have found during the past few years, is that healing beyond the primal wound starts with self-acceptance and has to be built on a foundation of self-love. This means embracing every part of ourselves, including the parts that feel broken or unworthy. No small task, but absolutely possible, with the right support and community to safely unpack our experiences and start making sense of ourselves.

For years, I struggled with my own feelings of inadequacy and the belief that I was somehow different or “less than” because of my adoption. It wasn’t until I began to accept myself – not in spite of, but because of my journey – that I started to experience true freedom.

Practices like journaling, therapy, and mindfulness can help us reconnect with our inner selves, letting us see that our worth isn’t determined by our past, but by how we choose to move forward. Connecting with other adoptees can be transformative too, reminding us we’re not alone, and that our stories are valuable.

For anyone navigating this complex path, remember: healing is a process, not a destination. Each small step toward self-acceptance, every act of kindness to ourselves, brings us closer to a fuller, more peaceful life. We may carry the primal wound, but we are not defined by it. By moving beyond it, we find our true strength and the freedom to live fully as ourselves.

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Courage, Love & Blessings, Always!

Amanda

Amanda Medina

I was adopted from Medellin, Colombia to Sweden in 1985. I was about a year and a half when I started my life as an adoptee, and it would take 32 years until I was ready to face what that means, what that has always meant, and what that will always mean.