A Piece of My Writing: But, what is the alternative to adoption?

The problem is NOT inequality, Amanda.
The problem is with the society who neither thinks before acting, nor who is focused on the real issue-the best interests of the child and the child’s mother. Instead the society focuses on the ‘needs’ of the would -be adopter’s need to replace what she believes she has been cheated of-the child she seems unable to bring to fruition. The adoptee is , tragically, that which solves the infertile person’s problem while being set up for a lifetime of confusion, hurt, trauma and denial of the state/parent to allow him/her to know their origines, families, histories and ancestral information.
The best interest of the child is to be with his/her own kith and kin, most especially to preserve the relationship between child and mother. This should be the priority after the child is born. But the first priority should be to prevent unwanted pregnancies BEFORE they happen. In this day and age there is NO excuse for so-called unexpected conception nor for any child forced to be conscripted to another without being informed or giving consent. Contraceptive devices and hormonal medications are readily available, as is education regarding how babies arrive an what to do before or after hey they do. Abstinence may or may not make a heart grow fonder, but it certainly will prevent a pregnancy. And parents of daughters and sons who are sexually active need to advise them in appropriate and acceptable behaviour between the sexes. This is essential and will prevent so-called accidents from occurring. Males are as responsible for the conception as the female is, as are the parents Kids today know more about sexual behaviour before pre-K than I did as a young teen-ager or even as a young woman, and at that time one had only the local back alley abortionist to rid the girl or woman of the developing child in utero.
Instead of encouraging a young woman to relinquish the custody of her child, classes in child care, mangement of income, management of time, etc. be provided, and incentives for the new mother to keep her child offered, along with financial assistance as warranted.
Thank heavens that the unwanted pregnancies are dwindling and so too are adoptions. Hoorah! It is more older women getting pregnant and who do not relinquish the child’s custody -hoorah again! As these numbers decrease fewer children will be conscripted into being the adoptee they neve consented to be.
In the meantime, the vulnerable child must be protected and given an advocate to ensure his/her real best interests, not the society’s which kowtows to the customary and usual habits of today’s hedonism.
The truth is that those with less financial resources find a way to keep their children in the circles of DNA family, understanding that that is where a child belongs. The other truth is that what we call adoption was tailor made for those who were infertile or unable to carry to full term. They were placed at the top of the list for obtaining the replacement child to those who were not conceived or perhaps did not survive the pregnancy. And if no infant was there for the poor childless couple, the agency used special language to convince them to take the poor abandoned waif -who came with her own traumas -including siblings taken away in front of her eyes, parents who abused her in ways no child should know of, followed by court order had an entire identity stolen and placed with the abusing infertile couple, adopters who-classically conceived a healthy son who appeared at the final reading of the adoption decree hearing. That child was me… the adopters were hardly classified as being unequal to others, nor did I come from some impoverished place; however the adopters paid only the court fees while the state paid the medical expenses incurred as ward of a child legally blind and with posible poliomyelitis in her earlier childhood , suffering from far more than simple maternal -child separation.. my guardian ad litem was chief probation officer of the county’s juvenile court who gave consent to the adoption with no consent from me who was 5 1/5 years old and able to give the presiding judge a huge piece of my mind about his daring to take my name and identity from me. My felonious parents were never charged with child abandonment of their 2 daughters, nor were they ever sanctioned for their acts. The rest of the story gets uglier far before it gets better. Those treated unequally were me and my sister who, to this day, does not know that she is an adoptee and who the state refused to give post -adoption information on her so that I can reunite with her. She has no recall of her two siblings, I am the keeper of her memories, and our brother who died before I could find him may well have had the worst life of the three of us.
However, I have survived in spite of ACE scores that are anything pretty, gained 2 post-secondary degrees and a masters and am a veteran. I began as advocate for myself and retrieved documents I was never meant to have-one OBC and the four pages left of my adoption file. I have advocated for vulnerable children and adoptee rights for many decades. I very well was a victim as a child, but will never claim victimhood as an adult. We cannot change our pasts, but we certainly can work on our and others’ present so that the future will be will be hopefully fairer for our children and grandchildren.
As an old adage suggests: God give us the courage to separate what cannot be changed from that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference. Another wisely points out that youth is wasted on the young. Doing nothing to change a wrong done tells more about that person who makes no effort than it does about the one who caused the wrong.