Mixed emotions is an understatement.
I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin.
There are so many thoughts in my head, and I don’t know where to start.
Have I even made the decision yet?
Am I going to do what I have said my whole life I have no interest in doing?
When did I go from not being interested in knowing about my biological family to not being able to go a day without thinking about it?
I always considered myself the success story of what an adoption could be.
I was always the girl who was adopted at a young age, but who was never affected by that.
I never thought of myself as having been abandoned.
I never wondered why my biological mother gave me up, if she gave me up.
I never felt unloved by her, or had any desire to know who she was, where she might be or get to connect with her.
I always did want to go to Colombia, to visit the country, to get to experience the country, the people and the culture.
But I never had a desire for anything more than that.
Until something happened.
I can´t point to an exact moment.
I can´t say exactly what happened or how.
Here I´m sitting at my computer, typing away about being adopted, having joined several groups on facebook for adoptees, having started a group of my own for local adoptees from Colombia, about to start a blog documenting my adoptive experience, and the search for any potential biological family I may have out there.
If I have decided for sure that I am going to do that.
What is the first step? What do I have to do to even get started?
And do I want to?
I have just spent about half an hour scanning all the adoption papers into my computer, to have them handy if I need to send them to whatever group or organization or person will be helping me in the search.
Search for what exactly?
Written by Amanda Medina
October 11, 2017