Adoptee Story: John B.

December 31, 2019

Adoptee Story:

John B., born in the United States, adopted in the United States

INTRO: John shares with us, his adoptee story. After many years of struggling with many of the same issues so many of us adoptees face, he has come to peace with his life as an adoptee. John has reunited with his first mother, with whom he shares a close relationship. He has had the courage to break with his adoptive family.

“My adoption journey,

I was born in Terre Haute,IN February 9th 1977. My mother is Marsha and father is Phillip. Their relationship was brief in late spring of 76′. During this time my mother moved back home with her mom and dad to Marshall,IL to a more safe environment through her pregnancy. Throughout her pregnancy she had many conversations with her mother and sisters about how hard it would be to have a child in her early 20’s all alone. At this point that is when my aunt and uncle from Lafayette,IN came into the picture. Their visits to Illinois became monthly to talk and see how the pregnancy was going.

When I was born in February my aunt came twice a month with my cousins to see me and to talk more about how things were with her situation. Around Christmas of 1977 I came to live with my aunt and uncle for good.

I was adopted on June 20th, 1978 by my Aunt Jo and Uncle Jim. Jim was Marsha’s half-brother.

Growing up adopted was not easy after 8 years old. That is when I found out by a cousin on a visit to Marshall,IL that the person I thought was my mother was actually my aunt. When I asked about this on the ride home I was asked to never bring it up again and I should be grateful I was rescued from a horrible life by my adopted mother. We never went back to Marshall,IL again. Life after that became different for me, I was openly blamed for things by siblings and by my adopted mother, then told to behave or we’ll send you back. My relationship with my adopted father was a good one, which caused a divide between my older brother and I. After-all it is their only child together from this marriage. They each have three other children from previous marriages. As time passed the favoritism grew and their marriage started to fall apart, I was blamed for that too. My adopted dad became sick our senior year with cancer and passed away months before graduation. He and I had numerous talks before his passing which was nice because he set me on a path to finding family.

At 18 I talked to my birth mother for the first time since I was 8. It was like this feeling of a dark hole was starting to be filled. Only problem was at that time she had so much guilt inside her that she wasn’t ready, and I felt rejected again. So, I went looking for my Father, I found him not long after my Mother. His response to me on his front steps was I was with Marsha, but I don’t have a son and shut the door.

I have reached out on three occasions in my life to Phillip and the answer is the same each time. It hurt when I was younger because I didn’t know why or even how someone could do that. Now that I am 42, I have a different perspective on our relationship.

I have a great relationship with my birth mother now that all the truth is out. We have helped heal each other, although we don’t see each other that often we talk daily. I was her only child; she was married twice after my adoption and they both knew of me and both got to meet me. She loves her three granddaughters and daughter in law. We don’t talk of what could have been or what if ever. She apologizes a lot for the decision she made, only because she made it based on a weak judgement. She is a strong woman and my strength is from her. It is amazing to be adopted and wonder were do I get this from? No one around me thinks likes this or acts like this. Then you meet your genetic code and your mind is blown. My siblings never understood what I was going through because they were looking at theirs every day. I tried to tell them we all went through the same environment, but we had different goggles on.

I don’t have a relationship with my adopted family anymore. The life that I had growing up was not the same as theirs. We had a picture-perfect family on the outside but there were bad things happening behind the doors that caused me to lead a destructive adolescence. It took me a long time to be mentally healthy.

Finally, free of the abuse and mental torture I can say that I am happy that I was adopted. Took so long for me to be ok with that.

Love to all,

John B”

Written by John B.

John was born in the US and adopted in the US

Amanda Medina

I was adopted from Medellin, Colombia to Sweden in 1985. I was about a year and a half when I started my life as an adoptee, and it would take 32 years until I was ready to face what that means, what that has always meant, and what that will always mean.