Stepping Onto the Mat: What Earning My Brown Belt in Karate Taught Me About Healing

July 14, 2025

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From fear to freedom — how healing after coming out of the fog made it possible for me make a childhood dream come true – training martial arts, starting at age 39.

Two days ago, I earned my brown belt at the dojo where I’ve been training in karate.

Even just typing those words brings a rush of emotions. Not just because of what this belt represents in terms of skill or rank, but because of what it represents in my healing journey.

This wasn’t just about martial arts.
This was about identity.
About healing.
About freedom.
And about becoming someone I never imagined I could be.

Amanda in the fog would’ve never…

If you’ve been around for a while, you know what I mean when I say “the fog.” It’s that place many adoptees find themselves in before they’ve unpacked the truth of their adoption experience — before they’ve allowed themselves to feel the anger, grief, or confusion. It’s a place of survival, not clarity. Numbness, not freedom.

In the fog, I didn’t take risks. I didn’t let myself be seen. I didn’t even know I was allowed to take up space, to feel deeply, or to say, “I’m scared, but I’m going to do it anyway.”

Amanda in the fog would’ve never started karate as an adult.
She would’ve never walked into a room full of strong, skilled people and said, “I want to learn too.”
She would’ve never let herself be seen in training gear, sweating and stumbling her way through something new.
And she definitely wouldn’t have made a public online series documenting the process of pushing through resistance, facing her fears, and showing up anyway.

She would’ve found a reason to stay small, quiet, hidden, “safe.”
Because that’s what fear does when you don’t know you have the right to be brave.

What healing has made possible

Healing didn’t take away the fear. I was scared.

I was nervous about the test. I knew I’d be pushed. I knew I’d mess up something. I knew I’d be seen in all my imperfect effort — in front of black belts, instructors, and even my daughters who also train here. That made my stomach twist a little.

But healing changed my relationship with fear. I no longer serve it.

When fear rose, I noticed it.
I named it.
And I still moved forward.

That’s the power of healing. It rewires how we respond. It restores the connection between who we are and what we’re capable of. And it gives us the courage to show up fully — even when we’re trembling.

When I began unpacking my story and stepping out of the fog, I had no idea that the work would take me here. That learning to hold space for my inner child, to grieve losses I couldn’t name before, to begin trusting my body again — that all of that would lead to the kind of strength that isn’t just emotional, but physical too.

Karate has become one of the ways I live out that healing in real time.

Sharing my journey online

It still blows my mind a little that I documented this whole journey — a 21-day series leading up to this moment, sharing videos, reflections, vulnerable thoughts.

Do you know how exposed that would’ve made me feel just a few years ago?

Back then, I felt like my story was something I had to keep quiet. I didn’t even know it was okay to have feelings, let alone share them. I didn’t want people to see me in process. In transition. In progress.

But now?

Now, I’ve learned that our stories are meant to be shared. That when we share from a place of healing (not seeking validation), we give others permission to heal too. And that letting people witness the journey is more powerful than only ever showing the outcome.

That’s why I showed up in that series — sweaty, tired, honest.
That’s why I’ll keep showing up — imperfect and whole.

Healing is more than coping — it’s freedom

Coming out of the fog isn’t easy. It hurts. It requires tearing down protective walls we built to survive. But if you stay with it, healing doesn’t just help you cope — it sets you free.

It frees you to try new things.
To pursue things that once terrified you.
To fall, and rise, and grow.
To say, “Yes, I’m scared — but I trust myself anyway.”

I stepped onto the mat not because I was fearless — but because I was free.

And that… that is a testimony to what’s possible when you say yes to healing.

I’m already proud

By the time I stood there with that brown belt tied around my waist, I had already won something deeper.

I didn’t wait for the belt to prove my worth — I walked into that dojo already free.

So, wherever you are in your healing journey, I want to say this:

You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to try something new.
You are allowed to let fear be present and still move forward.
You are allowed to live free.

Even if you’re still trembling a little.
Especially then.

If you’re ready to step out of fear and into freedom, I’d love to walk alongside you. Click here to connect with me and learn how I can support you in your healing journey.

Stay Connected

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Courage, Love & Blessings, Always!

Amanda Medina
Life Story Coach | Adoptee | Founder of This Adoptee Life™

Resources That Helped Me on My Healing Journey

If you’re beginning your own journey of healing, faith, or reflection, here are a few resources that encouraged me along the way:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Besser Van der Kolk

The book Adoption Unfiltered provides three different perspectives on adoption, as it is written by an adoptee, a first mom and an adoptive mom.

Not adoption specific, but if you’re curious about some martial arts/fitness resources that are helping my training journey, I would be happy to connect here.

Amanda Medina

I was adopted from Medellin, Colombia to Sweden in 1985. I was about a year and a half when I started my life as an adoptee, and it would take 32 years until I was ready to face what that means, what that has always meant, and what that will always mean.