Not Who I Was, Not Yet Who I’ll Be: Life in the In-Between

June 1, 2025

“I wasn’t stuck. I was being rooted.”

June is a month of transition.

Spring is coming to an end, and summer is just around the corner. School semesters are wrapping up, kids are moving up a grade, and routines are shifting. It’s a season where everything feels like it’s changing — but not quite arrived.

As an adoptee, it has me thinking about the transitional phases I’ve walked through in my own healing journey.

I can think of several times when I thought I was done. The hard part was over. I had done the work, connected the dots, processed the past, and found peace… or so I thought. Like in this blog post from 2018 (shortly after I started the blog).

But soon, I’d hit another wall. A new layer surfaced. And once again, I was faced with frustration, confusion, and exhaustion.

What was missing?

When the Work Is Done (But You Still Don’t Feel Free)

After the unpacking, after the processing, after connecting the dots — I thought I was supposed to feel free.

Like now was the time I’d step into my purpose, live the life I was meant for, and finally feel whole.
But resistance came up again and again.

I would move forward — take bold, faith-filled steps — only to find myself retreating back into fear.

For me, that looked like attending masterminds, signing up for trauma-informed workshops, and learning from brilliant people about human behavior and healing. I was encouraged. I was inspired. I even relaunched the blog, created a community, and started posting products for sale.

I knew I had something to give. I knew my story mattered. I had so much light to share and a deep desire to help others — especially fellow adoptees.

But after these moments of momentum, I’d retreat. Go quiet. Hide.
Every time I tried to step forward, resistance met me at the door.

And the hardest part? I thought I had already healed.

So what was missing?

What This Season Taught Me

As frustrated and confused as I was, I had to slow down and take a breath.
I stepped away from the blog. I let go of the pressure to constantly “show up.” I stopped comparing myself and my work to others.

Thanks to the love and truth spoken over me by mentors and coaches — people who led with compassion and integrity — I began to see something clearly:

The missing piece was love.

Not the performative kind. Not conditional acceptance. But true, healing, heart-rooted love.
The kind I had never fully received growing up.

I learned to see myself through a lens of grace.
I learned to speak to the younger version of myself — the scared little girl who had survived so much — and show up for her as adult Amanda. With kindness. With protection. With love.

That love… was God.

He showed me who I really am: His daughter.
Loved. Purposed. Safe.
And with that knowing came peace.
And with peace came safety.

The Gentle Shift: From Striving to Surrender

From this place of safety and identity, the shift began.

Not because I forced it. Not because I tried harder. But because I surrendered.

I realized I had never actually been stuck.
I had been moving the whole time.

Sometimes forward. Sometimes backward — but even the “backward” steps were opportunities to revisit and release things at a deeper level. Even when I felt still, my roots were growing. My grounding was deepening. My faith was stretching.

What looked like being stuck… was actually being rooted.

What looked like delay… was preparation.

And in that gentle, quiet space — God was doing His most important work.

From In-Between to Intentional

As that shift took root, I began taking small, faithful steps:

Writing again — not for performance, but for connection.
Reaching out to fellow adoptees.
Offering coaching sessions — one person at a time.
Praying honestly, even when the prayers felt messy.
Letting go of outcomes and trusting God’s timing.

And slowly… I began to feel a new kind of freedom.

If you’re in that space right now — the in-between — I want to tell you something:

You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
This season isn’t a dead end. It’s a bridge.
And I’ve created spaces just for this part of your journey.

Ready to take the next step?

Book a free intro coaching call
Let’s talk about what’s holding you back — and where you want to go.
Schedule your call here

Join this month’s live workshop: “Hope, Healing, and Finding Freedom in Your Story”
A 2-hour virtual event for adoptees ready to go deeper.
Grab your ticket here

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Download reflection prompts, story guides, and more.
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You’re Not Failing — You’re Forming

If you feel like you’re in-between right now — not who you were, but not yet who you’ll be — I want you to know:

That space matters.
It’s not wasted.
It’s sacred.

It’s where roots are formed, identity is solidified, and peace begins to settle in.

You don’t have to rush it.
You don’t have to do it alone.

Stay Connected

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Courage, Love & Blessings, Always!

Amanda Medina
Founder, This Adoptee Life™

Resources That Helped Me on My Healing Journey

If you’re beginning your own journey of healing, faith, or reflection, here are a few resources that encouraged me along the way:

Pau Sunderland’s lecture on YouTube called Remember Not Recalled.

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Besser Van der Kolk

Amanda Medina

I was adopted from Medellin, Colombia to Sweden in 1985. I was about a year and a half when I started my life as an adoptee, and it would take 32 years until I was ready to face what that means, what that has always meant, and what that will always mean.